So it's old news that I'll be out of the office next week for you guys. Here in happy-go-lucky work land not a ton of folks know so I'm going to set my out of office email reply. This is what I'm considering putting down as the response, please tell me what you think...
Hello and I hope you’re doing just fine.
I’m sorry that you have tried to contact me because I’m on currently on vacation. Yes I have left my work behind and I’m taking Matt time. I will be gone from Aug 15th until the 19th. During this time I will surely be traveling to Nashville to collect my $80 Million Dollar Lottery Winnings! When I get back I’ll tell everyone about it!
If you need to contact me and you are from the law firm of Jacobson, Lowery and Black, concerning the KFC “Finger Licking Good” incident: The term “Finger Licking Good” doesn’t differentiate between licking my own fingers and someone else’s as being “Good” or bad. In response to your previous query, I am not at liberty to divulge information to my prior whereabouts before entering the noted eatery.
If you need to contact me and you are from the law firm of Barry, Davis and Gershwin: the Davis Pub is responsible for over serving me during my visit. Their dogmatic service is threatening and overwhelming to those who are susceptible to the energetic and vigorous sales-personship of youthful females. I am also pursuing litigation based on the mental duress of their misleading and false advertisement of their chicken menu not stating “while it lasts”.
If anyone else needs to contact me for a Scripps related question Johanna Hoover is your best bet 865 560 4588.
If you need to contact me in regards to the missing Wells Fargo truck you can call me directly at 1-800-973-1768.
If you are looking for my tour dates, they will be updated when I get back.
If you are emailing me in regards to chartering opportunities rotary-wing exercises will begin September 3rd.
If you would like some interesting reading I would like to recommend the following websites.
http://www.keelynet.com/leed.htm
http://www.escapeartist.com/
http://www.apologeticspress.org/
http://english.aljazeera.net/HomePage
http://www.boneroom.com/
If you are bored and looking to kill some time I would like to recommend this website, it’s too much fun.
http://www.teagames.com/
If you would like to know the atomic weight of matter… Actually let's be careful with the use of the term weight. Some tend to get a little loose with the terms atomic or molecular weight, what is technically more correct is terminology reflecting the atomic (molecular) mass. I mean obviously weight is the pull of gravity on an object's mass, so it varies from location to location on earth, though it's not a great variation. Mass is a measurement of the quantity of matter in an object. So HA! This is actually a trick, the “matter” has yet to be compartmentalized as an object there for setting a scale to determine what sort of mass the matter actually is. Just for kicks rice has a mass of 7.23g while Hydrogen has a mass of 0.23g. There is no way to find the weight or mass of matter that is not formed into a category of mass, gas or liquid.
If you would like a riddle please consider enjoying these.
1. No visible flesh,
Nor blood,
Nor bone.
But within time,
Will walk alone.
What are they?
2. I am just two and two, I am hot, I am cold,
I'm the parent of numbers that cannot be told.
I'm a gift beyond measure, a matter of course,
And I'm yielded with pleasure when taken by force.
What am I?
3. I have thousands of eyes,
yet I live in darkness.
I have thousands of ears,
but only four lobes.
I have no arms or legs,
and still I rule two hemispheres.
What am I?
If you would like the answers I’m sorry but I’m not sure what they mean either.
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16 comments:
Clever...
1. eggs
2. kiss
3. brain
you are such a smarty pants, I hadn't actually read them with any thought until now. I doubt I would have figured them out, I've never been a real fan of riddles. Had I been in a similar situation, the ring would have been found after about the fifth bite.
i cant beleive i read all of that, but it is because I am have dead... i doubt most of your coworkers will read it... then again, they might. Im considering copying it and putting it for my out of office essage when i go to disney
Josh cheated.
he cheats and spoils! Does he actually have a masters degree or is there more we dont know?
HAHA! Sorry, I usually take the time to figure riddles out, but I was very busy yesterday. Y'all should commend me for my internet searching capabilities. I found all those answers and posted them in under 5 minutes!
"Sipper you are a man of ill intentions. I was impressed but now I consider you a slimy, booger covered amphibian's belly like substance which is hell bent on building some pseudo-intellectual façade of master theologian and riddle solver. Alas you have shattered my of you and I will never think of you in the same light."
You can choose to own that response of this one "Bastard!"
I lay on the bottom,
And float to the top.
My fish home makes more of me.
Not until death does it stop.
What am I?
bass turd
Darlin, you are so pleasantly odd.
Now that was funny!
husband you are so weird.
We are all a bit odd...
Triscadecaphobia!!!!!
Phwew! That was a close one.
I love you guys. I am so busy at work that I stopped, read the blog, searched the internet to the blog riddle and posted multiple times on the blog. That's how freaking busy I am
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