Thursday, September 29, 2005

Luke Dream

I wouldn't post something like this if I remembered my dreams every night like most folks do. But, I rarely remember my dreams, so I wanted to post it.

My Dad and Luke and I are all in this big city. It seems like we're in New York and in a very crowded, large structure. I think it's Grand Central Station. Dad is holding Luke and Luke wants to get down and walk around.

Dad sets Luke down and he runs away, disappearing into the crowd! I scream for him and Dad and I immediately start the search.

Awful things go through my mind. He has been kidnapped and will be sold into white slavery. He ran out into the street and was run over. He fell down and was trampled by pedestrians.

We look and look, I scream and cry till my throat is raw and I spray blood from my mouth. Finally, we get to this park area where no one is around. I think it's Central Park.

Dad sits down, exhausted. I continue the search.

I run out into the street and it's deserted. It's like everyone in NYC has disappeared.

I run down the middle of the street, trying to scream for Luke. Then, I see a little figure silhouetted against the light of a store window that glows in the approaching dusk. I run so fast I think my feet leave the ground.

I pick up my little boy and hug him so hard I have to check to make sure he's ok. He smiles at me and I awake, sobbing.


Jamison said...

thats a scary dream, but it sounds like you have some major major fears that may be really troubling you... may be typical for first-kid parents.. i dunno

bigsip said...

Luke's growing up. Parents don't like to admit it, but their kids hit these stages where they don't "need" you for some things.

But, he still needs me, his Daddy.

I believe in dreams symbolizing some things sometimes. I think he is becoming more independent and wants to break away in many ways.

He disappears, only to appear again as a newer, stronger person.

I am concerned for him, his safety, his spirit, his mind. It's the kind of love and protection I didn't ascertain until it hit me in this dream.

They aren't "real" fears that he'll be stolen away or get lost or something. But, they are concerns that manifest themselves in that way.

Anyway, it made me think and I feel better about it now. I have to grow and change with him. I have to realize that he's going to grow up to be a man and will struggle, fall, grow, and live his life.

I just never realized till now how terrifying and comforting that is!

Brewster said...

The interesting part to me about this dream, is that your dad is there. Luke dissappearing is easy to interpret, but what does your dad mean?

bigsip said...

He's letting go of me, too. I think we each represent a different stage in life and a different type of letting go.

Dad sits down to rest at the end of the search and lets me continue on my own. One day, I'll have to do the same for Luke.

bigsip said...

Thanks for bringing in the "Dad" part, Brew. I was thinking so much about Luke that I had almost forgotten about Dad.

It's so funny to see my Dad with Luke. It warms and breaks my heart because I see how much he loves Luke. Then I realize that's how much he loves me!

He even says things like, "He's just like you Josh. He's a little Josh!" Dad still thinks of me as his little boy in some ways, but he realizes that I'm a man.

That's got to be a difficult thing to deal with. One day, I'll have to deal with it, though.

So, in a way, in the dream my Dad is really me. But, he's also my Dad. Does that make sense?

Jamison said...

to be honest, Luke may have very little to do with the dream.
Luke could represent an unnesesary fear.
Do you really fear luke getting lost in a crowd? No. Just like you dont fear having a car wreck. Would both be bad? yes. Likely either will occur? no.

Maybe you are doing something as a father that you think you worry too much about. Heck, it could have something to do with work.

Most dreams use symbols and people we know, but have very little to do with those people.

Luke probably represents something else

bigsip said...

I really do think it has to do with Luke and me. My job is ok. My marriage is great.

I just can't think of anything I've really been worried about except seeing Luke grow so fast.

I think about it quite a bit. Plus, we've all been having these conversations about the way we live our lives and stuff.

I jusst see so many dangers "out there" and I am afraid for my little boy. I know how tough it can be in school and work and life. When I think of the many difficulties he'll have in the future, I just want to hold him close and never let anything happen to him.

But, when I think about all the wonderful things he'll experience (marriage, children, friends, salvation, and more) I look forward to seeing him spread his wings and fly!

However, if Luke did represent something else, it could be the childhood I want back.

I feel very weak sometimes. Responsibility is hard to deal with. Work can be a chore. I don't live footloose and fancy free as in college and when Rachel and I were first married. But, I'd never change a thing.

Life is about realizing your blessings and being content. I live a blessed life!

Diana said...

What an interesting dream. I liked the comment about your dad being you but you as well. It's interesting to, it was just the other day you revealed some inner anxiety toward your father and sports.
Maybe Luke represents you and you represent you dad and what you wish he would be more like sometimes... more bonding, you know, clutching you.

bigsip said...

Maybe so. My Dad is very affectionate and understanding, though. If I have something important to say to him, I say it and he listens.

But, that could be part of it. Rachel and I talked about it last night. She said she though my analysis was pretty much spot-on, from her own perspective. She knows me and my background almost as well as I do, so she has a pretty good idea of what's happening in my brain.

Anyway, the dream was scary, but it ended well and made me think. I got home from work yesterday and held him, played with him, and told him over and over that I love him. I do that every day, but I realized and appreciated it more yesterday.

Sometimes, it's good to have a scare to make you realize how completely in love with someone you are.

mullinz8 said...

I’ll add two cents to Sippers therapy bill too. I think all the people represent themselves as who they are. I think it’s seen in the beginning as a connective and content environment. As Luke disappears you and your dad search while in a confined, in closed and dare I say safe womb like area, obviously a comfortable space.

Once you step beyond that into the park you father sits down and you continue searching until you alone find your son. I think the dream is as much about you as it is anything else. I think you’re getting to a point where you’re going to have to move past your fathers soul influence and support on your psyche and carry your own cross, ultimately towards your obvious success.

Why? With the ink still fresh on my arm chair psych diploma you’ve said some very interesting things about your relationship with your father recently. Basically that you’ve got some resentment towards the guy because you felt he placed emphasis on a game more than you.
You’ve displaced that resentment onto the subject that caused it, sports. The excuses are overpaid athletes, corruption, vanity, and what ever. But the fact remains that you’ve agreed to bury the subject saying he now knows you don’t care for sports and it’s not a shared connection, move on.

Obviously you love the guy and have a good relationship with him and he’s a tremendous influence on you but maybe there was one last cog that refused to click. This dream was you getting over it and searching for what’s most important to you, just as he would have done for you. In this dream you are responsible and competent without the father that has been your life anchor. Sipper it says a lot about you character that you didn’t stop to help your father rest.

You know your path and the needs required of it, good for you.

Perhaps this is a deeper root to the outward appearance of not wanting to put any “stumbling blocks” in front of your relationships, focusing on (enjoying) music, movies, junk TV, what ever. You realized how much your dad’s appearance of liking the ball games more than spending time with you hurt. There for you do what he liked because you learned a simple enjoyment of such activities like wood working and music and worshipping your God because they are the things you shared and acceptable to ol dad. Your worried about causing the same hurt to your son, wife, friends, family.

Maybe this is crap, if so I’ll take my two cents back.

bigsip said...

I think there is a lot of stuff going on in that dream.

I think much of what you said is right, Mullins.

It's odd, but like I said, I don't remember my dreams very often.

It's almost like I save up for one big dream per year and then it winds up being something really intense like this.

Thanks for all the analysis, folks!

mullinz8 said...

That will be $500.00 please. Split four ways between your volunteer annalists that's around $125.00 each.

bigsip said...

Put it on my tab.

bigsip said...

And analyze why I am uncomfortable with the number 13!

mullinz8 said...

Social stereotyping...

Why wouldn't you be bothered by 13? It's a combination of 1 and 3 and the fourth of many prime integers.

Sounds scary to me too.

Jamison said...

how come yall never go into my dreams as well as you have sippers?
JUst because I have dreams about stubbs asking me if he can throw caution into the wind, and when I say "yes" he pulls out the word "caution" from a bag and tosses it into the air and lets the wind carry it away ... doesnt mean I dont like deep discussion about it too lol

bigsip said...

lol, Jamison...your dreams are awesome. i wish i remembered mine more often.