Thursday, October 13, 2005

Who, indeed, is 'Swollen'?


Last night was a scary moment in my life... I prayed alot, but the prayers were not answered according to my prefered time-line...

I am following Larissa home after church. We get to a point where this thug-ish Chevy Avalanche is behind Larissa and in front of me.

I feel as if the avalanche is following my wife too closely (which it was) so, thinking that some how this will teach this driver a lesson, I get behind the chevy in a very Josh Sipper-esque way... thought, Josh does it even when not angry...

A dog walks out in front of Larissa. She slows down, but doesnt screech to a halt... but, the chevy was way too close to larissa and had to brake hard... likewise, I had to brake hard. My tires locked, schreeched, and i swerved hitting the back drivers side of the truck with my front passenger side...

No big deal, this is what insurance is for, no one is hurt, both cars are VERY driveable... so, like I am supposed to, I call the police. It is my fault clearly and without a police report, my insurance company will not cover the chevy, and would probably drop me.

This black girl gets out and says "You callin the poe-lees?"
"yes..." I say matter-of-factly
"Dont call the poe-lees see... i aint got my drivers license." My heart sinks a bit...
"It is my fault, if I dont call the police, my insurance company wont repair your car."
"It aint my car either..."

Okay, so things are getting wierd... I go back to my car, write down the tag number and actually pray that she will take off. Then I can report it to the cops... She gets out of her truck (23 inch chrome wheels, all pimped out) and is on the phone... with, who I assume to be, the owner of the car. Who I also assume to be a very mean, angry, alrge back man who is her boyfriend.

She walks behind my car and tells the person on the phone my tag number... then she comes to my window and tells ME that she took MY tag down in case I run off...

ME RUN OFF??? I have good insurance! I have my license. It is just a fender bender, I dont want some French Connection, Popeye Doyle, chase through the city thing for this, geez...

20 minutes have passed... I call the cops again and tell them that I dont know what is going to happen because the lady I hit is nervous and claims to not have her drivers license...

then an Allero shows up...

Her comes the thug, with 3 other girls behind him... his arms are moving all over the place, walking straight to my door...

"What the MF did you MF do to my MF truck you MF??? I put my MF soul into that MF truck! I MF love that MF truck..." and so on, and so forth...

I had the phone in my lap, 911 had been calledm truck in drive ready to take off... I tried to calm the MF man down by saying "Hey man, I have insurance, it will take care of the whole thing! thats what insurance is for, its cool!"

"Yeah, well you better have GOOD MF insurance MF-er"

"it is, it is Alfa" which calms him down greatly, in fact, he goes on to say that "yeah, Alfa is good MF insurance..."

30 minutes later, we are all talking. I got him to calm down by asking him questions about his truck, rims, and his "system" which he took great pride in talking about.

45 minutes later, the cops show up... Montgomery cops are slow, and refuse to smile. Everything is UNfunny to them. I officially hate them right now... 3rd shift ones anyway.

Bottom line, i was at fault, and i took care of everything today, got 2 quotes on my truck, and i guess his insurance company will be in contact with mine.

If you do not have car insurance, GET IT... Alfa took care of me soooooo well. I LOVE alfa. They really made me almost glad I got in a wreck. Alfa may be one of the more expensive ones (I really dont know that they are, but people tell me they are, ours isnt high though) but they took very good care of me... of course my adjuster has kids that go to school where I work...

and oh yeah, keep 3 car lengths behind the car in front of you josh...

My biggest fear of the whole ordeal is if it was my wife in my position, by herself, getting cursed out, scared to death... that scares me more than anything...

23 comments:

Diana said...

Geez, louise! That is sooo scarey. I was afraid that was going to get ugly.
That's why I always fear for Charlie's road rage. He may flip off the wrong guy one day.
I'm glad you're ok.

Jamison said...

yes, dont flip people off, dont ride their tails and ALWAYS act like you are in the wrong... some people are nuts out there... be the bigger man

Rachel said...

who you tellin to keep 3 MF car lengths MF...

j/k, my friend.

yes, i've been trying harder to be a better driver.

your advice and the advice of my wife have convinced me that i should try harder and be less agressive.

see, i listen!

Rachel said...

haha...i'm being Rachel again...that was me...sip!

Brewster said...

Holy Crap! Good thing you were able to talk him down.

Funny that you have to tell us to get insurance. I forget Alabama doesn't make that mandatory.

Um, not to be a bastige, but could you clean up the spelling mistakes in your post. It was a good one and I hate to see it marred.

Jamison said...

i agree, brew, i do poor spelling.. sorry. correct it for me if i dont get to it in time...

took me back to SWOLLEN days...

alabama requires insurance now...

brew, remember when that chinese guy backed into your car when i was with you?

bigsip said...

Alabama started requiring insurance 5 years ago.

But, there are still people who will get the insurance, register, then cancel it.

I'm very glad you made it through safely.

mullinz8 said...

Jamison, that’s a great story!

Get into another wreck and tell us another.

If that happens to Larissa she’d bust the MF in the MF mouth and then that MF would have to call the MF ambulance. She’s a mean MF… Oops I forgot to hit the MF pause. Sorry that’s my MF mistake.

Dude, you totally handled that situation, you told him everything was cool and then distracted the guy.

Why are you so afraid of black people?

Jamison said...

i was never afraid of blacks till i moved to montgomery and lived and worked here for 11 years straight... thank God for surrounding cities.

Easy for an Oak Ridge boy...

and i am not afraid of blacks really, just thuggish ones... just like ai am not afraid of white,s just the ones with confederate flags, skinned heads, and the ones that drink alot of beer while shooting shotguns in their back yards...

mullinz8 said...

Boy I hear ya.
In our town house: two white couples, one mixed (B&W), one all black. The next building up has what seems to be a very friendly Islamic couple from friendly waves we’ve exchanged. I’m not going to talk to them because they are terrorists, not that they can help that. Just Joking…
Neighborhood is full of those blackies though.

High School was full of Chinese and Japanese, I was taller than all of those dudes, so no worries there. Had several Germans and those hoodoo talking European countries. Indians are everywhere along with the Mexicans.

You should see the fleet of Impala’s and Caddie’s with the 20’s and low pro’s glistening and gleaming driving back and forth from “the valley.”

For as diverse as OR is it’s got nothing on Monkeytown, is that suddenly racist?

I’ve been in that same situation out side of our swollen brother in Hotlanta.
Just remember how nicely that incident was countered by grilled cheese man trying to grow that fine s#it on his face just like you.

bigsip said...

We've been getting lots of Koreans around now, too.

I just try to be nice to everyone. There are ignorant people in every ethnic group. That doesn't mean the whole group's bad.

BTW, I've met many Korean people and they are extremely nice and very proud of their culture.

Jamison said...

the grilled cheese guy, now HE is a black man i love...
if they had trading cards, his would be my prized possesion...

so few here will understand this, but i must anyway...

drunk balck man announcing to the entire waffle house...

"OPENING, the grilled cheese..."

opening it...

"TASTING the grilled cheese..."

taking a bite...

Pause...looking out the side of his eyes at us... "Delicious!"

...exits...

mullinz8 said...

A peak moment in my life!

Thouse of you who weren't there missed a wonderful and amazing Waffle House experience

mullinz8 said...

Oh but you can't forget the samoan trying to squish Brew between the kiosks and the pan handler Jamison fended off with a wad of cash.

bigsip said...

I remember hearing thiss story and hating that I couldn't be there.

I think I was in Basic Training at the time.

Jamison said...

oh thats funny man, i hated that, they begged me for cash and all I had was a $20 bill! my frist experience with a homeless person, gone arye (spelling?)

ill have to reenact the waffle house guy when we all get together!

Mullins, your comment made me laugh out loud so hard that my assistant behind me jumped in his chair... thanks!

bigsip said...

gone awry...

i can't wait to see the re enaction.

mullinz8 said...

We’ve had several experiences on the road between all of us and those two trips to Atlanta are in my top five of all times.

I can think about any part of those trips and smile.

Jamison said...

Here is one of my fave memories of the further fest...
walking around in the parking lot, people holding up how many tickets they need by indicating it with thier fingers... and saying "I need a miracle" (Which is a grateful dead song, but also means 'i want free tickets')

This lady walks up to one of them, as excited as I have ever seen anyone on earth, puts both her hands on his arms and says "Do you need a miracle???"

The man says "...yes...?"

She says "JESUS LOVES YOU!" and hugs the man. She walks off, and he stands there, bewildered, blinking...

what about the taxi driver that took the longest possible route back to our hotel?

bigsip said...

lol...that's funny.

I wonder if he knew who Jesus is?

tnmommieof2 said...

i always remember the guy being sooo impressed with jamison's ability to grow, in his words, "great s#$t on his face" he went on and on about jamisons facial hair!! it was hilarious!!

Jamison said...

oh yeah jules, then he looked at me, pointed to his car and said "you like my car?"
"s'okay I guess..."
"white men like my car."
"well, im more of a truck guy."
out of fear/confusion, I break of a piece of my kit kat bar and hand it to him...
He takes it in his hand, looks at me as though very porud of me and says "I like you."

drunk as hell, as he said it... to the whole waffle house... in his own words...

mullinz8 said...

See Jamison this is why you should neve be afraid of black folks. You've been blessed by one of their own, you're in.