Mullins, you were right when you said I suffer from some sort of "fear" of things in life.
I was just talking to Rachel about how and why I do things like I do. I think about this quite a bit.
First of all, I'm a monstrous creature of routine. If my routine is messed with, I get pretty stressed-out. So, I set up numerous conditions to keep a routine running. I'm learning to get past this, but it's really hard.
Second, I'm afraid of myself. Do you know what I mean? I just fear my weaknesses and try to counter them by, again, setting up boundaries.
I could probably go on all day expounding upon what a weirdo I am, but I'll just say this instead.
I'm working on it.
I have used the phrase, "It's a terrible thing to live your life in fear" for years now. Here I am, doing it myself. Creating fears to counter fears.
Silly, is it not?
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Some tips I found for overcoming fear of change...
-Try to think only of the positive impacts that will result from the change. See how important they are and meditate upon ways to multiply them by adding some other good aspects, even if they may need certain assistance.
-It is always good to picture somebody else in your shoes, as picturing ourselves in a less desirable position always looks more dramatic than it really is. If you realize the other person can handle the change, you can be sure you'll be able to handle it as well.
-Imagine the worse-case scenario that can result from the change. Now try to find various solutions to it. Meditate on how much you can lose, if the worst happens, and how important those things are to you. If you find more than one reasonable solution, you are safe- the change can't be stronger than you are!
Thanks, Rachel. Good tips.
Fear is a bitc#...
I would be lying if I told you I never faced the same thing because I do everyday.
“I'm a monstrous creature of routine…” routines are created and conditioned to create comfort and ease. Ones routine is an extension of ones acceptanct of or ability to relinquish control.
“I just fear my weaknesses and try… …setting up boundaries” Your insecurity is activly manifested through your perceptions of control.
I’ll say this much, routine is not the crux of your issue, it’s the result of it.
Your second point is far more telling. You have got to learn to embrace your fears. Most say you have to overcome your fears. This typicially means devising a plan with thougth modification and affrimations that will let you see beyond your “stumbling blocks” and simply assist climbing over them.
I disagree. By embracing your fears you learn what they are, why they were put there, what they are made of and what those “boundries” mean? Once you know what they are made from you can systematicly work on removing the boundries all together.
Accepting your fears is a wonderfuly enlightening thing. Someday Luke will ask you a question that you don’t know the answer to. It’s ok to not know the answer, tell him you don’t. Where you find the ability to say you don’t have all the answers is in the ability to find them with Luke. This illustration is transportable into every situation.
Your issues don’t begin and end with control, there is a deeper foundation in as much as the tip of an ice berg is only a small fraction of the overall mass. It’s not weird or silly or frankly anything everyone else in this circle doesn’t face as well.
Yes this may seem simplistic but with a little reflective deconstruction they open up a bit and that’s as far into the couch as I’ll take it in public.
Thanks for sharing, Mullins.
I'm just talking it through. Y'all keep the comments coming, please.
I know we all have fears and have ways to deal with them.
Where do you think I'd be if I feared change????
Cinderellie, Cinderellie, night and day it's Cinderellie
Change gets tougher as you get older, that's for certain.
I was single for a while and lived a pretty regimented lifestyle. I planned my days and had lots of time to do what I wanted to do.
I got married and it was an adjustment, but we both still were able to have a pretty good bit of flexibility. But, I felt a new responsibility and need to protect my beloved wife. So I began to formulate safety nets, loosely woven, but nets nonetheless.
When Luke was born, it went into overdrive! I guess when you begin to really feel that BIG responsibility, you lose yourself in yourself sometimes.
I'm finally starting to come out of it.
All this being said, I haven't been crazy or huddled in a ball all this time, but I have questioned just about every spiritual, financial, and professional move I've made very closely.
That has made me tense and difficult in many ways.
Overall, I need to loosen-up!
I can still have responsibilities and take care of them in a thoughtful, planned way. But, I can let myself consider things outside of my own realm of what's "best".
So, there it is. I need to chill, incrementally.
ive seen you huddled in a mass in the corner!
Loosing up would be good, but to be honest, things could be worse for you. I dont see you as having a "problem" but just a unique personality.
Brew used to make fun of my "daily lists" that I would make when we lived over at monticello...
Brew: "Whats this?"
Me:"A list of things I need to do today."
BREW:"But... you have "shave" on this list..."
ME:"Well, I need to shave dont i?"
Brew:"Why dont you just put "Eat Food" on the list then?"
ME:"See number 8 on the list"
You sir, are leaving yourself open for explanation… If you want me to drop this I will.
Sipper, I don’t think anyone is considering you some sort of basket case tucked into the fetal position, cowering because the sky is falling.
However you should question your faith, finances and profession. How else can you expect to grow?
Have you ever heard the phrase “God is in the details”. For me everything is details. I do my best not to worry about that stuff because that’s where God is. It sometimes seems that you believe that God (maybe Satan) is setting traps to ensnare you, almost not balancing the fair, just loving God but showcasing the vengeful, jealous God of more Old Test writings.
The result of that is the attitude that if you don’t live up to every expectation and perfect example of Biblical soundness you are somehow lessened as a man, father and spiritual believer.
Get off the cross brother, that isn’t your calling.
i used to reject anyone who questioned things in the Bible...
Especially folks I went to church with. Or people who questioned the worship service. But to be honest, if you are questioning things, it only drives you to read and study more... as long as you dont go loco and start reading some mans book based on his opinion of the Bible...
How did we get off on this?
It was good to know that Mullins had to work late last night, my wife did too and I was glad she wasnt the only human on earth having to stay a bit late to finish a project. I emailed him some while he was at work and while my wife was at work. So, umm, thanks Scripps!
I love Christopher Columbus... see why...
http://community.webshots.com/user/jamisonab
haha! i only huddle in a corner when you act like you're gonna jump on me. you always catch yourself, though.
yeah, i'm trying to loosen up.
i remember how much more fun and relaxed i was at Faulkner.
one of my problems is that i continually feel the passage of time. always aware of the fact that i am losing seconds with those i love.
that's one of the reasons we moved here. we were losing the time Luke deserved to have with his grandparents and losing the time they deserved to have with him.
anyway, this time-losing awareness makes me want to divided it up just right and make every moment count. only problem is that i tend to take it too far and it becomes too planned, almost.
so, i'm gonna keep a general daily plan, but loosen my expectations incrementally until I get to a more comfortable spot for me and the folks around me.
yes, i'm unique. but, when my uniqueness begins to get in the way of living freely and fully, i need to change.
i certainly believe that the only person you can change is yourself.
I love you just the way you are.
thanks, Mullins.
yes, i tend to want to strive for perfection and i believe in looking deeply into God's Word for answers and truth.
i actually look at God as my Father and Friend far more than a God of vengence.
i do believe that He has a way of dealing with us when we step out of line, though. God's active in our lives, always trying to make us better, if that's what we are asking Him for.
sometimes God making you better hurts, but it always turns out better on the other side.
i fear God, but I'm not afraid of Him. i know if i live right and always look for the truth, it'll be alright.
i do question many things in life, but there are some things i know, too. just building my house on The Rock.
thanks for the help looking inside. i like talking through all the stuff i've been thinking about.
WOW! You're quite the woman!
My wife, ladies and gents!
I LOVE you, Rachel!
Great... Rachel got that horrible song stuck in my head... but the worst part is that I cant sing it because the saxaphone solo is the part that is stuck in my head...
Hey Rachel... "SHOUT, SHOUT, LET IT ALL OUT!"
Take THAT!
Destroy your daily calendar!!! You'll start to rely on it and let it think for you, revolt revolt revolt!!!
I told Jules for ages that until she learned to make herself happy no one else will be able to do it for her. She reluctantly realized there was truth in that statement and recently found herself repeating it to a close friend of hers, I'm sure cursing my name at the same time.
Sipper unless you know something you're not telling us you will most likely have a long life. Expereince every moment don't worry over them.
"You can't do anything about the length of your life, but you can do something about its width and depth." -H.L. Mencken, writer, editor, and critic (1880-1956)
I can see that about daily calendars... Ill dont see anyone here having a busier life than the others; take my wife (please... haha). Her day is super busy, and besides that she has a ton of stuff on hold like making gifts for people who had babies 3 years ago, church stuff, school stuff, etc....and she never writes stuff down or makes a plan (albeit, she forgets things alot, but nothing life destroying...)
However, On the same token, I keep ALL phone numbers in my cell phone. Some of these numbers I call daily. I have none of them memorized except my wifes number. This is sad when you consider I know every phone number I have ever had since I was 5 years old (891-0766 was the first) but now days, since I make a "plan" of sorts, i cant memorize them. Heck, Ryan F, my dear friend, has had the same number for 6 years and I dont have it memorized...
If i were to lose this cell phone (or, my 'plan' if you will) Id go nutz.
...but wait...
so what is Sip makes a daily plan (wierd, sure...)? But if that is Sip, that's Sip, right?
Im playing devils advocate to a degree here. If it is something Sip thinks HE shoudl change, then sure, he should change, but he certainly shouldnt stop making his day to day routine plans because we think he is an odd bird.
most genius' did far abnormal things ("Abby Something..."). Sip is right up there with those genius'...
Everyone is different, to be sure.
I'm just trying to stay between the lines.
I will never go planless. That's not me.
But, I will try to adjust my plans so that I don't shut the door on other things or people I could miss in life.
i've seen planless, unorganized people and how miserable and bereft they are.
i've seen the same in people who are OCD on the other side of the spectrum, too.
i'm just trying to hold the middle-ground.
it rarely stresses me, but has of late, which is why I brought it up.
the "trigger" was the fact i've had to work extra lately to meet deadlines.
my focus is on going to work, getting done, and going home to be with my family.
work, for me, is way down the priority list. so when i have to work extra, i hate it because when i die, my wife and children will either remember me for being there or being gone.
i will choose to be there every time.
i will make this promise right now. if my job ever begins to keep me away from my family consistently, i'll quit it and find something more family friendly. fortunately, my wife's on-board with this.
no job will ever mean as much to me as my family.
anyway, perhaps you can see now why i got stressed. thanks for letting me blurt.
fortunately, the long hours will be over soon!
I don’t think Sipper is that odd. I think calendars are fine if you need them, some people have a lot of their plates. If you have stacks of meetings then you may need one to remember what you need to do.
Sipper if you’ve got your routine down and are happy that’s great don’t change a thing. If that plan changes and you freak then you may need to readjust your perspectives.
BTW, if I loose my cell I won’t even know Jules cell #. I put everything in it so I don’t have to worry about knowing it. Someday it will hose me but I’m not going to worry about it until then. Details brother, it’s all in the details…
Dude working late doesn't mean that your family isn't more important to you. I had tons of late night for a while and I missed my wife and boys horrably. They were still number one.
A few night aren't going to kill anyone. BTW obviously Larissa hates Jamison right?
hang tight or else I'll play that dad card again...
haha! yes, my wife really hates me then!
And she really hated me that one night last year when she left at 7 in the morning and came back home at 5am the next morning... I know that Josh is not saying that at all ...
all jobs are different, some keep you at work one day a week for 22 hours yet still, a month later, will let you take days off that arent really coming to you (like my wife).
My job before this one had me all over the place. Typical hours were 8 to 5, but sometimes, I had to go in at 9pm and stay till 2am running fiber optic cable in the ALFA building. Getting in the bed with my wife already asleep sucked... but it was okay, we both work, we understand things like this happen, and we have the rest of our lives starting when we wake up the next morning.
Now, if a job kept me or my wife at the office for 12 hours a day, ALL THE TIME, we are talking about something different. But Sippy-pooh must think that my wife hates being at home (kidding I know you dont) because ever since he has worked there, he has only seen her working late.
The reason is that this project is the biggest one they have had in about 8 or 9 years... she was told that this one would be the one youd want to retire after. She sort of does already.
However, about a year ago, aside from the one or two late nights, this girl was home at 3pm everyday. And when she had classes, she would leave at 3 or 3:30, and (gasp) left the house each morning at 8am.
If a job keeps you late for a few days, no need to panic, it will change most likely. If it doesnt change after about a month then either you are working in an unproductive place or they want you to quit, in which case you should.
I dare say any of us will divorce our spouce for working late for a few weeks at a time. Praise God we have jobs at all, they arent that easy to come by these days.
I totally agree.
A few late nights don't kill you.
Again, I'm just saying that I have made up my mind wht's important to me.
And I know you all have loving families and have your priorities straight.
If anything ever got in the way of your marriage, you'd do what it took to save it, I'm positive.
Like I said, if it were ever that way CONSISTENTLY, I'd be out of that job quick. Fortunately, it ain't so.
The "Dad" card?
Yeah, I really miss Luke, too.
I remember my own Dad would come home every day just after we got home from school and we'd all go outside and play or hang out and play a game or go help him work in his shop.
I want to be like that with my children.
Dad told me soon after his first grandchild (my nephew Caleb) was born that he used to rush home every day to see us, just like my brother and I do now with our children.
That made me smile and cry and hug my Dad and thank him.
One day, I want Luke to appreciate me that way.
I miss my hubby.
Performances of Cuckoo start tonight.
I have a calander thing I use for school but I always forget to look at it.
........
When I was a teenager I hated to be given short notice for something. Like if mom woke me up one Saturday with the news that I had a dentist appointment I would be pissed. If she told me about it the day before I was ok.
To this day I get up every morning and go through a little mini review of the day. Ok, I'm gonna shower, get dreseed, have breakfast. Then I'll go to work and do this this and this then lunch...
Then I do an even smaller review of the week. Ok, Thursday I have a meeting with Patty...
At work, it is mandatory that I have a day planner. I'm actually pretty bad about using it, because anything important I add a task reminder to my outlook folders.
Spending time with your family is important. But so is putting food on their table.
Don't worry, be happy dude.
One of the things France taught me was about what is important. I used to get really stressed out about little things at work. About getting this paperwork or what not finnished. Now I'm all about the people. I want to make my reps happy. I do my best to create a good workspace for them, and let the paperwork be completed when it can.
It's all a balancing act, to be sure.
I'm calming down more and more.
It's all good.
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