Thursday, October 06, 2005

Bad Blog, but I need my friends honesty here...

Okay, simple...
I am going to post a email thread.
I am feeling very hurt right now, and will explain after the thread:

To preface, a teacher had a problem. I could not VNC into her computer because the password had changed (VNC is a program used to control peoples computers remotely).

I needed the password changed without me having to walk half a mile to do it myself.

so, I sent these instructions:

ok, i need your help big time here, and i know you can do it...

look on your screen, near your clock in the lower right hand corner...

you will see a little icon that is white, and it will look like it has the letters V N C on it...

put your mouse on top of this icon, press your RIGHT mouse button one time, and go to PROPERTIES

find a field that says PASSWORD or a button that says "set password"

make the password 1, thats right, just the number 1

you may have to type it in two fields if another one says "retype password"

press ok and let me know when you have done this...

may sound hard, but is very easy

ok, to which she replies:

I do not like to be talked down to; I am not an idiot just not as computer savvy as you are. I asked for your help because I thought that was your job!

Now guys, I love you all. And if I were being belitting, I would tell you. But I know, in my christian heart, that when I wrote that email, IN NO WAY was I trying to belittle here...

Here was my responce:

In no WAY was I trying to talk down to you!
I would never do that to anyon and if what I said appeared to be that way I apologize.

I tried to make my last email as easy as possible to read and understand. I can understand how you may think that the first line "I need your help big time here, and I know you can do it..." may have been taken as me talking down to you, but it was honestly meant in no way to belittle you at all.

Perhaps my last line: "may sound hard, but is very easy" sounded belittling, but it was not intended to be at all.

In my experience here, most teachers need encouragement to do tasks that they are not used to doing. Doing things that aren't in their realm of expertise can be daunting to most of them. When I offer instructions, I try to be as encouraging as possible.

I am sorry you took my tone to be something that it was not.

..women... geez...

do i HAVE to be the bigger man and go down there and apologize in PERSON??? SHE JUDGED MY HEART AND WAS WRONG!!!


Jamison said...

i aske dthe headmaster what I shoudl do in this situation... his responce...:

"We just need to be like ducks, and let the criticism go off our backs like water on a duck's back. Quack, Quack!"

thats that I guess...

bigsip said...

have you had run-ins with this teacher before?

it also may go back to the prior discussions we've all had about emails and such. it's VERY easy to misconstrue the tone of any typed message.

some people just are not meant to be emailed or written to. they'll ALWAYS take it the wrong way. she just read you wrong.

it is NOT your fault, but you might have to do damage control anyway. some people...geez!

tnmommieof2 said...

didn't sound belittling to me at all. but, knowing women, i can see how she could take it that way. some women think they are being talked down to when you ask a simple question like "how's your day going?"

i think she may have a problem with self esteem...or maybe she HAS been talked down to by folks in your position as we gals tend to do, she assumed you were being critical of her.

i wouldn't worry about it, especially since your response email was VERY apologetic...

mullinz8 said...

I think your response back to her, though NOT intentional, was a bit belittling.

Your first email was very good and clearly written in a matter than anyone could understand. Not knowing where her computer literacy stands it’s written exactly how it should have been, simply.

The last paragraph where you begin, “most teachers need encouragement to…” starts a rocky path saying that all teachers you know are dunces.

I would walk down and apologize. If she’s gabby or just bitc#y you could quickly find your self of the receiving end of a lot of evil eyes since you’ve laid out a generalization to the schools entire teaching staff.

Take the long humbling walk and realize that you are making peace, if she doesn’t want to “quack quack” you’ve already taken steps to rectify the situation when then makes her look really bad. It’s called CYA or covering you arse.

Rachel said...

Maybe the ALL CAPS read like shouting to her?

Jamison said...

never had a bad run in with her in the past. In fact, she has paid me to come to her house in the past to fix an email problem.

bigsip said...

She could just be having a bad day or be extra sensitive for some reason (insert PMS comment here).

So, it could just be her. But,you'd be better off all around to go talk to her, in my opinion.

Jamison said...

i have no problem apologizing in person when i am wrong. Ive done it before and i am more than happy to do it again. But to "belittle" MYSELF and go to her like it was my fault is too hard for me.

Ive apologized via email, and she did not respond. She is pissed off at something. If i see her again, I may do it, but I just have way too much pride to say "I was wrong" when i was not. K3 teachers don't mean THAT much to me, especially when they leave at noon everyday while everyone else works till 4 or 5.

bigsip said...

np, man.

i see your point. just giving my opinion.

i just don't think it's about right or wrong. i see it as a situation where you can preserve a good working relationship.

i hate tension of any kind at work and will usually go directly to someone if i feel any and try to clear it up. then i feel relaxed and don't concern myself with it any more.

i'm not suggesting you apologize, just clear the air. but, maybe it isn't necessary, anyway.

Brewster said...

Working in management has taught me that everyone is different. When you think you are being as polite and kind as ever, someone will think you are a dick.

I've had to eat humble pie so many times at work I can't even remember them all. Right or wrong, suck it up and make peace with the lady. There is no reason to create bad blood, even if it isn't there fault.

I've been on the phone with guys who have called me every name in the book, insulted me, my boss and all my reps, and I just had to take it. I've had guys be completely and totally in the wrong, and still had to apologise to them.

To me I'd rather make peace, even if that means humbling myself over being "right" and creating bad blood.

mullinz8 said...

I don't think you have to say you're sorry for being wrong because as you've said you're not wrong.

I think the apoligy should come from the misunderstanding.

I agree with you pal. If she's an ass it's her fault but one grumpy ass can quickly become a major pain in your.

bigsip said...

Just look at it as if you're doing it for your own sake rather than her's.

But, be nice, as if you're doing it for her sake.

I've been able to circumvent many arguments and keep peace that way. An I usually find myself getting along with that person and others more easily, too.

Jamison said...

well, i emailed her and asked her when a good time for me to come down and apologize in person would be (since she teaches till noon) and she said not necessary, i accept your apology...

i still dont see me rushing to fix her computer problems in the future

bigsip said...

well, Bob's your uncle!

glad it all worked out.

Diana said...

She sounds like me. I'm very sensitive to that sort of thing. I think it's really nice of you to reassure her.
Josh, did Rachel tell you about me crying in front of my whole class yesterday?

Brewster said...

To me the issue isn't whether you were right or wrong. Or even what you meant in your heart. She felt offended and that you were condescending.

That's what the apology should, and I think was, about. Just like if you said something with the best of intentions to Larissa and her feelings were hurt, you'd be sorry. Not because what you said was wrong, but because it hurt her.

At this point leave it alone. We've made a bigger deal out of it than it probably deserves. Next time I saw her I'd smile real big and be especially nice. But say nothing about the incident.

bigsip said...

She told me you'd had a really rough day.

Why did you cry? What upset you?

I'm so sorry. Wish I could give you a hug.

Diana said...

Oh, your sweet. I'm off this weekend so it's better now.

It was just a really stressful week (midterm, first lesson plan due, etc.) so I've been a little on edge. Well, yesterday I was in Dr. Barbie's class learning to develop thematic units. I was presenting what my group had done for the day and I mistakingly used the word 'fun.'

She really doesn't like that word. Her whole thing is that it sends people who don't know much about early childhood education that all we do is finger paint. So she gave me (the whole class really) a lecture about watching what you say. I totally saw her point, but on the other hand, I'm trying the best I can, so there was no need to make a big deal on it.

I had been so stressed out, the minute she started talking, I could feel the tears well up. I was in front of the whole class and I knew I was about to cry. I don't get embarrassed much, but that did it. I knew if I stepped out of the room it would be worse, so I just let go.

Everyone in class has been really nice to me ever since.

Jamison said...

she should have thanked you for the presentation, then asked you to take your seat, THEN gone on with the lecture. Rather than doing it with you standing there... man!

Diana said...

yeah that's how I felt too. I probably wouldn't have gotten so upset. I feel like a lot of my teachers are overly critical. That's their job, of course, but we're all doing the best we can, they don't need to get so political with us every time we say the wrong thing.

bigsip said...

Criticism is tough, man. She really should have been more sensitive.

Sorry you had to experience that, Di. I think she'll think twice before doing something like that again.

bigsip said...

Sorry you had a bad day. That sux. I hope your teachers will be a bit more sensitive in the future.