Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Noah's Arc

Noah is showing me what it is to be content. I have been stressed and somewhat restless for the last several months. Most of this was due to the fact that our second and final child was on his way. Looking back, I can see this more clearly because I see him every day now and feel very peaceful having him here.

From what Rachel has told me, she feels very much the same way. We had the rare and uncanny opportunity the other night to go out to eat, just the two of us! My Mom is here this week watching Luke and helping Rachel with Noah, so she volunteered to watch them while we got away for an hour or two. We talked about what we saw for ourselves and our boys and we both agreed that once she and Noah and Luke are a little more settled into the everyday, I'll have a vasectomy. Our baby making is through.

Somehow, I feel like we've passed a milestone. Our family is complete. That's not to say that everything is perfect and that the future doesn't hold unforeseen challenges, but we both have a security and contentment now that we both seemed to be waiting for. Even Luke was waiting for it. The first time he saw Noah, he walked up to him, took his little face in his hands and tenderly kissed his little brother. We were shocked and proud. But, most of all, we felt complete.


Jamison said...

Beautiful baby, though I am sad that he no longer glows...

Luke is amazing. I don't know if all kids hit this stage at his age, but it seemed (to me) that as soon as that baby popped out, Luke grew up about 6 or 7 months. I mean, his talking alone is no longer 'baby talk'!

Sip, I do hope that with the arrival of Noah that the demons in your head that fill you with terror and fear will go away. I know that the only dreams you seem to remember are those nightmares about Luke getting lost. And I know you have filled the church auditorium with the sound of your booming voice if Luke walks out into the hall, but dont let the demons take control of your mind. Dont let them control your ability to enjoy Gods precious gifts He has given you. God is in control! Love you and yours!

Oh, Luke is no longer out numbered by the adults in the house, it is 2 on 2 now, let me know if Larissa and I need to be on the 2nd string of the adult team.

bigsip said...

Thanks, my friend.

It does still scare me to lose Luke or Noah, but I know God will always watch over them.

I'll still do my best to protect them, but if there's one thing I've learned it's that there's only so much I can do. The rest is up to God.

Jamison said...

...Plus, yelling at church causing and huge hush to go over the after-church-chatter so that one can almost hear crickets, and have everyone to look at us in a wide-eyed fashion is very awkward... small hands...

Jamison said...

oh, to clarify, josh does NOT "yell" at his children... bit of an inside joke thing and i do a poor job of miscommunicatiing... sorry everyone...

bigsip said...


Yeah, I forget how loud my voice can be sometimes. After I shouted the second time and heard it echo, I looked around and everyone was staring at me like, "Dude, chill out!"

Jamison said...

oh, also, if Luke ever colors you green again, punish his as you wish, but them get Rachel to take a picture of you... then blog it Larissa still laughs about that story...

You think Luke colored you green so that you would look like Noah when he was glowing?

bigsip said...

Well, it was before Noah was hooked up to the machine. I think he colored me green just to do it. He's funny!

bigsip said...

Jamison, you need to be here at my workplace right now. All the bathrooms are out of order! I bet ACPO memberhsips and stickers would sell like hotcakes right now!

tnmommieof2 said...

It is a nice feeling to know that your "family unit" is complete. We had tossed the idea around of having a 3rd child before I had my tubes tied. But with all the complications with my last preg. and my diabetes and age we decided
that 2 would be plenty.

I think it was the best decision.
I would of loved to have a little
girl, but my boys are the apple of
my eye. Its amazing how different the both of them are, and yet still the same in so many ways.

Oh and Isaac started kindergarten
last week. He is doing great..
loving it just like I knew he would. It was actually kind of hard for me to watch him in his
class on the first day. I am soo proud of the independent little boy we have raised so far, but also
a bit sad b/c I felt like I was losing a part of him. Like after this day a part of him no longer needed me. I know it's silly, but
needless to say I shed more tears than he did.

bigsip said...

It's not silly at all. I already feel that way with Luke sometimes. But, it's a joyful thing, too.

You're a strong lady and you have a great family. Your boys are very blessed. They'll grow and become men, but they'll always love Mama.

Diana said...

That's great, Sip! I bet that feeling of being whole is amazing. I can't wait to get to Montgomery so I can see the new and improved Sipper family. It may be a while b/c Charlie and I just booked our Disney Trip last night. (yay!)
Planning that trip has been my therapy for the past two weeks. I started school last week, and it's just been torture. After loosing the baby, everything just seems unimportant and stupid.

It seems like all of your are reaching milestones. If I didn't look up to y'all before, I'm really gaining a new sense of admiration for all of you recently. It sounds silly b/c I'm about 10 years younger than most of you, but it's like you're all growing up!

Jules, I'm excited for Isaac. I hope he has a very pleasant experience in Kindergarten. Let me know if you have any questions.

bigsip said...

Thanks, Di.

There's an "Arc" in life and I feel like we're nearing the top of that arc.

Or, at least we're nearing the top of AN arc in life. Having children, establishing you family, etc. is a wonderful thing.

I hope y'all have a good time at DW. When are you going?

We're still praying for y'all. I can't imagine how it feels to go through what you and other of our friends have experienced. I'm sure it never goes away, but I hope you will continue to heal in the knowledge that God is in possession of that eternal soul.

Hope y'all are well and we love you!

Diana said...

Thanks, Sip. I appreciate you so much. Everyone's support is greatly appreciated. In a wierd way, I feel like the more I heal, the more it hurts. Does that make since? I look forward to feeling like myself again. 95% of the time, I'm fine, but it's that 5% that just feels awful.

We'll be gone October 10-15. I can't wait. It's all I talk about.

bigsip said...

Wow! Well, y'all have fun!

I think I know what you mean about healing. You want to hold onto the feelings because when they go away, you're afraid the thought of the child you love and lost will go away.

But, it won't. You'll always treasure the plans and the love you have for that child and there's nothing wrong with that.

I'm glad it's getting easier and we'll pray that it continues to.

mullinz8 said...

Beautiful boy.

The feeling of family is great. I think that somewhere down the line I could imagine having another child but I don’t want to risk my wonderful wife in the process. I’m glad were done birthing, two is perfect. Maybe someday we can do the foster parent thing or adopt if the feeling were to expand.

When Caleb was born it was almost three or four weeks until Isaac actually saw the little booger because of his being in the intensive care unit. I still think Isaac thought we were pulling is leg about mommy actually having a baby. He sure did get to see the hospital waiting rooms a lot though.

I can’t remember having drams about loosing Isaac or Caleb. Then again I don’t remember a lot of my dreams that would be terrifying no doubt about it.

bigsip said...

Man, I can't imagine having to go through that. I've heard you talk about it before, but every time, it makes my heart sore.

We might adopt eventually or foster kids. But, for now we're glad to be through making babies. Life feels set somehow and that's nice.

mullinz8 said...

I hear you loud and clear!

Both boys being in the hospital right after their birth was very rough. I hope you remembered to say a prayer each time you saw that IC room. Some parnets don't get to leave with their child, heartbreaking even now...

Right now I just want to focus on growing my tow sons as best as God can guide me.