Thursday, January 26, 2006

Friends, Romans, Countrymen...

Ok, long story short;
I am to make a presentation this friday night from 8pm to 8:45pm at church during our "Fortifying the Family" weekend.

My topic: Protecting our children from internet threats (porn, chat predators, etc).

2 problems with this:

1) Ive never spoken in front of a crowd like this before. Well, I did one time and vowed never to do it again.

2) Everyone at church now thinks of me as "the computer guy" and just last night I had 3 people come talk to me about some computer problem they had.

I don't want to be "that guy!" Heck, I don't want to be that guy ANYWHERE anymore actually!

Here is the other bad part.

Since I've never really done this before, alot of people (mostly ladies, age 45 to 80) are coming for one of two reasons:

1) They think I am going to teach them how to "use their computer" (Which I had to assure a lady for about 5 minutes that that was not what I was going to talk about. I had to end the conversation with "You don't have any young children, you don't need to come!")

2) They want to hear me speak.

Im serious, a 50-ish year old lady approached me, then 2 minutes later a 78 year old lady approached me to say how she is so looking forward to hearing me speak! I am thinking "You are looking forward to hearing me tell you how you can protect your 10 year old from porn and chat room threats? Lady, your gradchildren are probably in college!"

Old church ladies are funny. I guess they look at presentations and speeches as entertainment. I could probably do a 30 minute lesson on sweeping out the garage floor and these ladies would show up to be entertained...


Rachel said...

You have my sympathy for being the church computer guy. You need a disguise. And you never know, these old ladies might be struggling with internet porn themselves! Eeewwww!

Jamison said...


Ryan F. said...

Yeah, they think you are going to say stuff like "We need to be careful what we let our kids look at" and not like, "This is a good way to keep this from happening." They think it's going to be more like a church sermon. Just get up there and talk to them like you were having a conversation with me. Just relax and talk about what you know.

Jamison said...

im not too nervous about it. Of course who knows how I will feel tomorrow.

I know the room, I know the people (Hopefully there will be lots of visitors though) and I know the info I am talking about.

There is no real reason to be afraid... they arent interviewing me for a job and they arent pointing guns at me. The more I think about it, the sillier it seems to be afraid of public speaking.

The first words I am going to say are "You people dont scare me!" Kidding.

Jamison said...

Actually, thanks to Rachel's comment, I may have a very easy time doing this. If I get nervous I'll just think about how nervous all those porn-addicted old ladies are listening to my presentation.

bigsip said...

Just don't try the old "imagine your audience naked" trick.

Hopefully, they wown't be imagining you naked either.

Brewster said...

It really is silly to be nervous. I mean its church. Think of all the prayers and sermons and talks you've heard. Thousands right? Now think about how many you can remember. Very, very few. Yours will be remembered more because of the topic, but they'll remember the information not the speaker/performance.

Plus man they're christians, they're rooting for you. YOu could screw up majorly and they'd forgive you, heck they'd try to make you feel good about it.

The computer stuff, man you're in trouble. THose cats will be asking you questions for eternity.

bigsip said...

Brew's right.

At a "Friends and Family Day" at Vaughn Park not too long ago, the pulpit minister was giving his sermon.

He was speaking to them about people who suck the fun out of everything. But, instead of saying "funsuckers" he came right out with "sunf#%kers"!!!

There were TONS of visitors there that day.

It was an honest flub and everyone forgave him after he apologized a moment later.

He still works there.

I wouldn't recommend saying "f$%k" from the pulpit, though.

Jamison said...

thanks guys! funny story sip!

I was thinking just yesterday how silly it is for anyone to fear public speaking. I mean, it isnt an interview, they arent pointing guns at you. It is an empty fear!

bigsip said...

It probably comes from the old days when people used to throw rotten tomatoes when somebody sucked.

But, this is church! Everyone will be sweet and appreciative. The worst you'll get is some improvement advice, which is nothing.

mullinz8 said...

And if anything, like Brew said, all those folks are rooting for you. Also take comfort that if this is a series of different talks or something under a theme there are people praying for your success. These people have faith in you to deliver something informing and enriching to them.

Those old ladies have no real way to say, knock them dead and show you their support so it comes out a bit odd as, “well that’s good to know.”

Because they know you are a computer guy they assume that you would actually like your job. I mean why else would you do it for a living. In their day your career was how you defined yourself, what else could you expect.

I know that you’ll do great and no there, is no reason why you should be worried about your talk tonight you will be among friends.

Jamison said...

well, my presentation went very well. I only had natural, healthy nervousness and to get rid of it I went into the bathroom a few minutes before I went on and did shadow boxing with my reflaction in the mirror. You laugh but it helped big time. It got all my nervous energy out and I felt very comfortable up there when I did my talk.

The highlight of the night was meeting a man named Schoot McCown. This man looked, talked, and acted like Chuck, but claimed no relation. Thrice he denied relationship, then, a rooster crowed.

Kidding. He was cool and told me he hasnt even told Chuck he was in town. He didnt want to "bother him" assuming his house was in "disarray" from the potential move...

nice guy, talks alot.

bigsip said...

"Schoot" McCown?


Glad the pres went well. Hated to miss it. My preaching gig went well, too.

We had lots of good food and friends and fusic...

Jamison said...

scott i mean, but Schoot sounds like a great nickname for him!

bigsip said...

I thought it was some strange alias Chuck had given himself.

I can see Chuck trying to be incognito, calling himself "Schoot".

Reminds me of the whole secret mission to the girls' dorm.

How will Chuck McQueen make "The Great Escape"?!

Jamison said...

FYI, i posted 2 new dreams on my dream blog which I would be honored if everyone would check out.

If youd rather me post them here, I will...

bigsip said...

I just read the dreams.

The Outback dream was especially weird.

The Mafia dream was just funny to me!

As far as I'm concerned, you can post your good dreams here anytime.

I know you wouldn't post any sucky ones anyway.

No rules, just right!

Brewster said...

Glad the speech went well.

Funny dreams. Maybe you are psychic.

I just posted a dream here

Jamison said...

brew, do you think it is odd that I had a dream I owned an ambulance and you had a dream about an ambulance as well?

Brewster said...

Whoa. I hadn't even made that connection. What does it mean? WHAT COULD IT MEAN!

Coincidence probably. But that is kind of weird. Maybe I'll eat at Outback tonight.

Jamison said...

now if the speakers in my truck go out, ill really be freaked out.

bigsip said...

Fugit abbadit...(mafia "forget about it")

You'll be a "made" man before you know it "Jamie Mandolin".

All this talk about Outback makes me want a steak...