Something hit me the other day and it kind of made me sad...
This whole parent thing has turned my world upside down. More so than I expected. But one thing I didn't expect would be that my social life would plummet to a near-zero level.
I mean, I expected the first few weeks to not go hang with folks, but he is 6 weeks old now and still a part of me just wants to stick close to home base.
I mean, after the Sips had Noah (If I remember correctly) they were happy to have us over to their home! I keep thinking in my mind all the peoples homes I want to go to and take Tyler along, or to invite people over, but when Friday or Saturday come, and I see that dishes need washing, clothes need washing, the house is a wreck, and not to mention the baby needs feeding in a few hours, I give up the thought, slip into my pajama pants, and roll up my sleeves (Assuming I am wearing a shirt) to get to work. And if we get to eat our meal along the way, that's just a plus.
Believe me Sip, we want to come to yalls home. We want to go to several folk's home and we want to have people over. But when does the fear of leaving home base end? Am I a freak for feeling this way? I mean, I have never been Mr. Socialite, but I do like to hang with my closest friends from time to time and it frankly feels like ages since I have done so!
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9 comments:
Things will change. You are in a stage right now where Tyler needs all of your attention and it wears you out. As he gets older, you will be able to do a bit more because he will be able to entertain himself.
Parenthood is a job, and it's normal to be exhausted. If others are like us, our apartment stays a mess until we have someone over, in which case we spend all day getting the house clean for company. Once they leave, it's back to being a disaster. I know you keep hearing this, but it will get better.
After our river trip I told Jules how beautiful I thought your house was, I added that I thought it stayed that way all the time. We both nodded to each other and knew that you were without kids.
Does you the time you invest to keeping your house clean feel better than the time you spend with the kid? If it does then you should worry about keeping the place spotless. If spending time with the kid is better then that’s what you should be doing. There are very good reasons why my bed room is considered off limits to guests and visitors. You’re child needs your contact more than it needs to have everything sparkling clean.
As far as going places, I think you have to learn how to travel with the kid. How was the trip to Chattanooga? Is there anything that you realized you just didn’t need? To see friends you’ll learn you don’t need a pack n’ play or anything super huge like that you just need the basics: diapers, food stuffs, toys, passy and what ever else.
Recall when we went to the mountains for our first MB Sig reunion little Isaac was very small and we were able to pack most everything into a medium sized diaper bag. It’s about knowing how much you have to travel with and how much you want to travel with.
My biggest concern was going some place (like to the mountains that time) and having the non-childrened folks get grumpy and not understand that having a child meant doing certain things like holding off on a hike or going to dinner at 5pm vs 9pm.
By the way, there’s nothing wrong with staying at home for a while until you feel comfortable going out.
Jamison, it will get easier, but there will ALWAYS be laundry, dishes and suchlike going on. Sometimes you have to let things 'wait until later' for the sake of sanity. We would love to have your precious family over anytime you are ready!!--Liz
Thanks for all the comments. I assumed thema ll to be true. Both Larissa and I just like a clean, neat, environment. I remember going to the Wakefields one night and I ended up cleaning their kitchen just becasue I wanted to see it neat and clean. I'm crazy.
So yeah, it is REALLY hard for me to walk by our sink and leave the dishes in there, but I am SLOWLY learning to do that.
AS for socializing, I REALLY want to get back into that. You don;t realize how much the simple act of going to church means to you until you are only going once a week. Seeing other humans means so much.
We take Tyler to chatt-vegas this weekend, hoping it goes well. He has been awake MOST of the day today, but on the plus side, he hasnt been fussy, just awake and wanting to take it all in it would seem.
Liz, welcome. You will remember Mat Brewster. He created this blog, but a few days ago he and his wife left for China. Crazy eh? No one knows when he will be back, not even him.
My friend, you know how I am about my family. My boys are like O2 to me. I still wish sometimes that I could just work from home so Icould be around Rachel and my boys all the time.
So, I can definitely identify with simply needing to be at home and have that safe, secure peace.
As far ashouse work goes, Rachel can vouch for me that I am a dishwashing, clothes washing, yard mowing, woodworking, bed making, food cooking, diaper changing, etc.etc. etc. machine. But, I still spend plenty of time with her and the boys. How, you might ask? Mostly by doing everything quickly, but also by involving the boys in things I do.
When Luke was very little, I would hold him in one arm and clean stuff with the other arm or foot or whatever part of me Icould use to push a button, turn a knob, or push something around.
Of course, now I get him to help with laundry, water plants, help carry groceries, etc. Heloves it!
Idon't know if this helps at all. Iguess what I'm saying is that you can do things your way. You have been to our abode plenty of times. We keep a clean and tidy house and still play with, read to, pray with, sing with, etc. oour boys. Time management, learning how to do things efficiently and effectively, and good old fashioned nose to the grindstone goes a long way.
You probably won't keep a house that's perfect, but you can have it both ways.
One more tip and the lesson is yours. Give yourself permission to have a room (or two) that is allowed to be somewhat messy.
At our house, the toy room and the boys' bedroom are rarely perfect. The boys play in them the most, so we let them get pretty messy before we take the time to reorganize them. The rest of the house, however, is cleaned up and kept clean daily. That way, the rooms we spend the most time in after the boys are gone to bed are serenely clean and habitable.Also makes us feel like we have our own space to breathe.
Overall, just hang in there and find your way of doing things. If you need a clean, neat house and need to spend time with your family, you'll find a way to make that happen. Love you pal.
I am not sure what is making folks think that I prefer cleaning over spending time with the Ty one. When he is awake, either Larissa or myself am holding him or entertaining him much to our delight.
I don't think anybody was under that impression. I think everybody just wants to make sure you don't stress yourself about cleaning too much. Enjoy what you can. Sleep when you can. Let some things slide. No one who's had children will judge you if you've got dishes in the sink when they come to visit.
We miss you guys! But it takes time to find your footing when you have your first baby. It's a whirlwind that takes getting used to. We'll still be here when you're ready to socialize. And there's always the pseudo-social environment of blogging and email to keep you going until then.
sorry...i just meant that you will learn ways to keep your environment the way you want it and spend the time you want and need with Tyler. i FAR enjoy my time with the boys over anything else (except Rachel time,of course).
you guys will find your rhythm soon. it's a huge adjustment, but with your family's flare for organization, discipline, and most importantly, love, you guys will find your groove with no problem.
love you all three. and, of course, we're here if you need us for any reason.
Looking back at my first comment, I think I need to explain my comment about cleaning the Wakefields kitchen...
I meant to say that it was AFTER a very large gathering and meal one night at their home. I couldn't bear the thought of messing up their kitchen with dirty dishes and food, so I cleaned (rather than socializing).
The way I typed it looks like I just came to their house one day, saw a dirty kitchen, and decided to clean it.
Not the case, the Wakes keep a very fine home indeed :)
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