Sunday, February 05, 2006
I remember on one post long ago, someone wrote about how they connect with their dads. Somebody said sports, someone said music. I thought about that tonight after a phone conversation with my dad.
He and I connect with maps.
I remember when I was a little girl, I would crawl in his lap and he'd show me the way to Disney World on the Atlas. Or he'd show me how to get to Papa's house, or even just back home. I remember the night of 9/11, he and I spreading the atlas on the bed, and mapping out where it happened and in relation to what. Even though he and I are very close and have often been all we've got, sometimes there are just no words. Sometimes you have to say it with a map.
I got a call tonight from my biological mom saying that my Grandmother is very sick and will probably die within a few weeks. We talked a while about when I can come see her, what her condition is, and other little tidbits. As soon as I hung up, I called my daddy.
"Hey Dad, you're not watching the Superbowl are you?"
"No, I just turned it on to see who was winning."
"Oh, you don't usually I just wanted to make sure."
"Did you see halftime? It was the Rolling Stones."
"No, sure didn't. Were they good?"
"I don't know, I didn't watch."
I told him about Grandma. He said he was sorry, saying he had thought about her recently and wondered how she was. He asked if I was going to see her and I said yes. He told me I maybe shouldn't just because she's out of it and it will just upset me and I should remember her how she was. I said I know, I've thought about that, but I feel the need to go.
"I get off at 6 on Saturday so I should get there about 11."
"Which way do you go?"
"501, 38, 9, 52. But isn't there another way?" (Help me daddy I don't know what to do.)
"Yeah, there sure is, get on 38, but don't get on 9, just keep going." (Don't worry sweetheart, everything will be fine.)
"Like you're going to Rockingham?" (I'm really scared of what she will look like, but I need to go.)
"Exactly, and then go west on I- 74 and then go north on 220. That will turn into I-73" (I wish you wouldn't go)
"Uh huh, uh huh." (I know but I felt bad when I didn't get to say goodbye to Grandpa.)
"And then get on 64 at Asheboro." (And I'm glad because he got really sick in the end; I was just trying to protect you.)
"Oh, ok." (Thank you, Daddy.)
"Well, you know what, just go north on 73 until you get to Greensboro and then get on 40." (I understand, I just don't want you to be hurt.)
"That's looks good. Thank you so much!" (I know, I'll be ok.)
"Call me tomorrow at work." (So I can talk to you without your step-mom listening.)
"Ok. I love you Dad." (I love you bigger than the house.)
"I love you too." (I love you more.)