Tuesday, July 31, 2007

My First Massage

My wife and I took a trip last weekend. We had been planning a getaway for practically since Luke was born and finally got our chance. My wonderful wife booked the nicest room in a new hotel for us with a hot tub, king-sized bed, right next to the pool, etc. She also, after asking me my opinion, scheduled a couple’s massage for us at a nice spa just a mile up the road from our hotel.

Before I go any further, I need to make it known that I have never had a professional massage before. I am the sort of person who doesn’t particularly care to be touched by someone I don’t know. So, I felt a little weird about going in for something like this, even though my wife would be receiving the same treatment in the same room. Another item of note is the fact that I have an extremely high tolerance for pain, so I don’t feel things the way most people do and I have to be careful about how I do things since I will hurt myself and not realize it.

So, Friday morning we wake up refreshed, hit the free breakfast bar, and head out for our massages. We arrive, fill out forms explaining any ailments, medications, or recent surgeries (I noted my vasectomy on the sheet) and then waited a couple of minutes while the therapists prepared to work on us. We were almost immediately greeted by our therapists and taken back to a small, dimly-lit room with two massage tables. They looked comfy and soft. My therapist was a slightly overweight woman named Amber. Rachel was to have her muscles smooshed around by a bearded fellow by the name of Jim. They both smiled warmly and reassured us of their desire to make us feel comfortable. Then they told us to take off our clothes and left the room.

Rachel and I disrobed quickly and slid into the smooth warmth of the massage tables, face down. We both commented on how nice it was to use the face cradles and lie flat. It was very nice. Then, the therapists entered the room. New Age music was immediately audible at their entrance. It partly annoyed me at first, then relaxed me once I decided this was not the time to be anal about music.

Amber began. She squirted an odorless oily substance into her hands and began work on my back. The first touch was fine, but my initial reaction was to laugh because it tickled so much. Rachel had signed us up for a deep tissue massage instead of the more, circulation/relaxation driven Swedish massage. But, I wasn’t feeling the deep-tissue feeling I expected. However, being it was my first massage, I waited and let her continue.

Unfortunately, I found myself under a type of tickle torture I had never before experienced. Every touch was like a feather being dragged along my sensitive spine. At first, I tried to hold in the laughter. My body tensed and skook. Amber stopped, “Are you alright, Josh?” “Oh, sure. Fine. Feels great! I just feel like I want to make sounds.” “Oh, um, ok.” For the entire back portion of the massage, I held back my laughter: something I am not used to doing, ever.
Finally, she moved to my legs. My right leg was bared. She oiled her hands. The moment she made the first rub, I cackled, jerked, rolled. I couldn’t control myself. Laughter cascaded from me as urine from an ACPO member. Amber and Jim initially seemed confused, but Rachel’s laughter seemed to give them confidence that I was just like that. Finally, I told Amber that she needed to press harder and that she had been tickling me mercilessly the whole time. She apologized to the inadvertent torture and proceeded to press harder. She pressed as hard as she could for the rest of the massage. And I laughed as hard and long as I have laughed in a long time.

Afterward, we went to the front of the parlor to pay for the relaxation. The receptionist was smiling and asking what exactly we were doing back there. Everyone in the lobby had heard my laughter from the back of the place. I doubt I will get another massage for a long time. I enjoyed it, but I don’t think it was worth the money. I expected the therapeutic effects to last at least a week, but alas they lasted only the rest of that day. Not good enough for what we paid. But, the effects of the laughter on my spirit and the relaxation and buoyancy I felt may have been.


Jamison said...

Any good massage therapist will GLADLY rub harder if you simply say "I am not feeling it, please massage me harder."

Trust me, I have had many massages, and some I have had ranged from nothingness, to erotic, to pure and utter pain. And the most painful ones were done by a girl that couldn't have been more than 110 pounds. I was literally in more pain after her massage, but it was my fault as I kept telling her to rub harder.

For future reference, if it tickles, tell them. If you want it harder, tell them. They will obey gladly.

But, there is also the possibility that massages just aren't for you. If your wife is interested in a pure heavenly spa day like the ones Larissa and I try to do once a year, join us and the Mullins' next time we go to Grove Park Inn in Asheville. We plan to go sometime in late march or april... even if you dont get a massage, the facility is huge and you will never get bored with all the pools, hot tubs, saunas, and steam rooms

Jamison said...

by the way, good to see Sip posting a blog. I know it is hard at your job, but it is sometimes good to see something posted other than by me or Brew. The two of us seem to be the ones in circumstances that just makes it easy to blog.

bigsip said...

do any of your massage effects last longer than one day? the only erotic massage i want is from my wife...

i don't think massages are for me. i really don't see myself getting that much out of them.

but, it was a good experience. just not one i plan to repeat any time soon.

Jamison said...

Massages, for me, can last longer than a week.
By the erotic one, I meant, it just kept me focusing on not getting an erection. Men, as you know, can get erections because of factors other than sexual.
Massages for my wife seem to satisfy here for several weeks.

If you get a massage and all you do is laugh because it is tickling you, and you dont tell the therapist to do it a different way so that you can relax, then no, your massage effects will not last more than one day... much less an hour. You may as well have had someone tickling your feet with a feather and called it relaxation.

Mat Brewster said...

Yeah, I always fear the whole "it moved" possibility. My wife keeps telling me to get a massage, and I never do for that very reason.

Plus I'm a cheapskate.

Amy though, she gets them regularly.

I don't think the effects last a really long time, but they are supposed to be very good for you anyways.

bigsip said...

well, this lady rubbed as hard as she could and it felt great. i was relaxed by it, but all i could do was laugh. no matter how hard she rubbed, it just made me laugh.

to sort of highlight this, you must understand that i generally laugh when i "hurt" myself. i can hurt myself pretty badly and laugh becuase it actually felt good to me.

when Rachel and I were doing our preparation for birth for Luke, we men were told to simulate pain of contractions on our wives by squeezing their arms while they breathed through the contractions.

then, the ladies did this to the men. Rachel squeezed as hard as she could with two hands and all i did was laugh. it iterally felt good.

i know i am odd, but i can't help my weirdo nervous system.

i plan to get a massage again sometime, just no time soon. maybe my next experience will be better...by the way, you can wear underwear while they massage you. that will help a great deal in keeping your big boy from moving around...

Jamison said...

Like when the lady at the cracker barrell hit your arm with that serving tray... you did kind of smile and laugh as you were wincing.

bigsip said...

yeah...it hit my humerus, after all :)

Ryan F. said...

Yeah, I'm so tickilish, that if anyone (even my wife) starts rubbing the backs of my legs, or my sides, I start moving around laughing. I can't take it. I do love a good neck and back massage though. BTW, I met a one Sam Sipper a couple of weeks ago. Nice fella.

bigsip said...

oh, yeah!

Rachel told me about that. i think Sam called when I was out and mentioned something about meeting you.

where did y'all meet? church event, i assume?

Jamison said...

a happy happy birthday to a one, Ryan Frederick... July 31st!

Ryan F. said...

Thank you, thank you. Yes, I went down and spoke at the Summer Series at BlackCreek, where he attends.

mullinz8 said...

I have to tell you that if you’re going to a place where your vasectomy is a cause for concern during your massage you might want to get one done at a place that not called an “Asian Spa”.

Should Brew decide over the next year to get an Asian massage he’ll be ok. You however might be caught up in a sting operation smuggling chop sticks and fortune cookies.

Happy birthday Ryan.

CL said...

I love a good massage, but I am a tense dude and it hurts very much bad everytime!sus