What I am about to say here may sound pretty pathetic, mean, hateful, and will sound very much like a man who has no faith in the power of God. I reckon it is fair to say that. However, I have to get this out of my head and onto paper...well, er, the screen...
Every Tuesday night, I go to our church and participate in the Montgomery Inner City Outreach. Basically, several churches around the city take a bus load of kids varying in age on different nights (We take 7, 8, and 9 year olds on Tuesdays for example). The night last 40 to 60 minutes. But class only runs for 40 minutes.
Essentially we have 2 to 4 classrooms with 7 to 10 kids in each class... 10 at most, sometimes 6 after you send the bad ones out. We read a story about Jesus, we answer questions, color, do a word search related to the story, etc... We all think of inner city kids as being mean, hateful, and rowdy. Well, in a way this is true. But honestly, they are just kids and there are a handful who are just as sweet as your own child. Then there is the one who has behavioral problems out the yen-yang because she got hit in the neck by a stray bullet and her brother molests her every night.
Here is where my faith in god may sound lacking. Our work seems useless and futile.
First of all, our curriculum is written on a 3rd or 4th grade level. Have you ever heard an inner city public school 8 year old try to read the word "Apostle"? Or even try the name "Daughter"? How about the one kid in every class that looks up at you when he comes to the word "then" because he cant pronounce it? So mistake number one is that these lessons need to be readable on a 1st grade level at BEST because that's how these kids read. Granted, there are the 1 or 2 kids in the class who love to read and read like an ace and my heart goes out to them because they have everything it takes to be successful yet they were dealt different cards in life as you and I and will have to work EXTRA hard to be successful.
Secondly, as these kids read aloud, the remaining 7 or 8 are in la la land either looking around, kicking one another under the table, flipping the other off, or trying to get out of their seat. And you cant really get mad at them. Heck, they are probably fussed at all day or worse, beaten. Best you can do is get the bad ones out of class and the rest are fine.
Okay, best case scenario: They come in, sit like little angels, read like a poet, comprehend every bit of it, and go home only after giving you a big fat hug... They get home, find mom (and maybe a dad) in the house selling dope or weed, repeating the F-bomb over and over, treating the child like an inconvenience, neglecting the child, and subjecting the child to rap music that does anything but lift a child's spirit. 24 hours later, the fact that Jesus died on a cross means nothing to this child. You can't force a mom or dad to be a good mom or dad...
Half these kids don't go to church and the ones that do go with their grandmother to some church OTHER than the one sponsoring this outreach program.
Now, here is where I come in.... I no longer feel like I am doing this work for God or the Church, but rather for the people that do it with me. Let me explain...
Before I did inner city, I was doing VBS. I noted that alot of guys and gals I knew and loved from church stopped coming to help with VBS. Being a sweet and innocent boy, I figured "I have no right to be upset that they aren't coming if I don't help THEM with inner city!" So it started. I started doing the inner city thing. Already for the wrong reasons.
Well, turned out, me being there didn't encourage anyone anymore to come help with VBS the next summer. Yet, I knew the need for inner city workers was great so I kept going. Not for the kids, not for God, not even for me, but so my friends wouldn't be deserted when a big bus load showed up and there are only enough teachers for half those kids. Guilt I guess.
Do I like doing it? No! On Tuesdays I simply stay at work till 6:30pm rather than drive to Wetumpka only to have to turn back around! I miss dinner and wife time in the process. I'd love to never go again? Why? Because I not only don't think I am doing anything worth-while, but I KNOW I am not doing it for God but rather my friends. TOTALLY wrong!
There, that's off my chest. I know God can do ANYTHING, but sometimes, it seems like Tuesday nights are His biggest challenges...