One Hundred Ninety

That is how much I now weigh (down from my max weight of 215 a few years ago). I didn't realize that when we got together for the smokefest. That weight is the lowest I've weighed since 1995 when I met Jodi. I had been working out that summer with Thomas Cooper at Gold's Gym.

No wonder you guys were like, "Dude, you've lost weight." Well the reason I was so hesitant was that I knew I had gained a few pounds after Thanksgiving. I think before then I might have been down to 185. Which if that was the case is the lowest I've been since my Junior year in HS. Maybe next time you guys see me I can claim that weight as confirmed.

Did the ox and lamb really keep time?

We sell these Christmas CD's at BBW that go toward the Make a Wish foundation. My little sister went to Disney World with Make a Wish foundation, so this organization is very close to my heart. I was talking about the CD to a woman yesterday who seemed interesting in buying it. I discussed that it has three discs, only costs $10, goes toward a good cause, you get the idea. She was looking at the song list and one title caught her eye.

“Little Drummer Girl by Alicia Keys?” she asked.

“Yeah, she’s great.” I responded.

“That’s nice, but Little Drummer Girl? Why not little drummer boy?”

“I’m not sure; I guess she just changed it to a girl.”

She scoffs at me and puts the CD back.

“I’m sorry,” she says. “I just can’t buy that. It’s the religious side of me.”

I finish ringing her purchase, tell her to have a Merry Christmas, and send her on her way.

As she walks away, I’m confused. Last time I read the story of Jesus’ birth, there was no mention of a child who went and drummed for him. Let alone a little boy. It’s a song. The little drummer boy story didn’t actually happen. I wanted to shake the lady.

I shared the story with one of my fellow managers. “Did she actually read the Bible?” J says.

The rest of the day I had to suppress my giggles. I couldn’t get through anything without thinking of that woman. Even now I still chuckle at her.

Friends, Fun, and Fusic (Music just didn't fit)

These pics were from a mini-reunion months ago.

Chuck just now got them to me, Sip, I will give you your copies in the days that follow.

I don't know why I feel that I must turn myself into an idiot when a camera is pointed at me. (Brew, insert witty comment here)

Speaking of photos, it is likely that J.A.S. (aka Josh) will be put into the new yearbook that is being published by the school I work for.

Why you ask? Simple. The yearbook staff came up with a cute idea:

"What faculty members do for fun/in their spare time."

So I submitted a picture of us jamming with the old guys in the bluegrass group.

Sip, your moment has arrived! What moment that may be, I do not know.

Funny thing happened today that really buoyed my spirits (bowing as everyone applaudes me for using a cool word correctly)

There is crazy little radio show on 1170am here in town. It is a talk show that never touches the political rehlm. Basically, this talk station needed to fill a 2 hour slot, so they took a DJ from the FM side to do a "show about nothing" for 2 hours.
Anyway, sometimes I feel sorry for the guy because there are sometimes when no one calls, so he just talks about women (big time woman-izer) or some girls will call in and tease him (sexually speaking), etc (like the "cake lady").

Anyway, I started calling in maybe once a week if I caught the show (Due to the other talk radio station being on a commercial). I would do a George W Bush impression that, I thought, was okay, but this guy thinks is hilarious.

Well, apparantly, I have become a "regular" caller. I caught the show today (again, just because there were commercials on the other channel) and he was asking people to call in and say what they want for xmas. Sounds dull, but the guy is a career DJ, and he makes it interesting. He said if no one calls he was going to just play a song, which, I hate when he does that. So I call and I say:

ME "First off, I am not a girl" (I say this because he likes women to call)
DJ "I can hear that"
ME "I dont really have anything to say, I just wanted to call so you wouldn't play a song"
DJ (Laughs, says something that I cant remember)
ME (I kind of freeze and say) Fun fact; I am the guy who always calls in doing the Bush impression.
DJ then goes on about how great I am at it and that I should call more often. I tell him that I dont feel I am all that great at it. We banter back and forth a bit, me jumping into my Bush voice from time to time, him laughing. He even has added "Hail to the chief" to his sound board to play whenever I call now.

Anyway, I end the call, and turn my radio back up to listen to the end of me talking. Then, an older lady (60-ish) calls in and says:
"I just love that last caller. He is my most favorite of your regular callers, I hope he is listening" and the DJ remarks about how great I am...

Wow! That makes a cold, rainy day pretty tolerable!

Briarwood

That should at least get Sips and Jamison's attention. I read through the "Smoke Night" blog. No objections, I'm looking for a new job anyway. As you can see from the pics, I was using a $4.50 corn cob pipe. Great for beginners, but not good for those who want to have more than 10 smokes per pipe. It's also a quite warm to the touch. Anyway, I enjoyed the night so much, that I logged onto eBay and bought this:

Real Briar Pipe with black mouthpiece

I was going to post a picture, but the picture service was down.

I also have a plan to get my Dad's old pipes that he used to smoke before he had my oldest brother. Both of them are around 50 years old. I'm planning on framing them along with the story of their purchase and a plaque saying when my dad stopped smoking.

Have you ever...

Have you ever woken up to a strange car in your driveway, and not after a night of drinking? That happened to me this morning. I walk outside to get into my car and BAM! there's a white Nissan Pulsar from the 90's sitting in the drive. I looked inside. There was a Walmart (or Sams) badge on the rearview mirror. It read Monique. In the backseat was a small, pink child's chair (not car seat) with the word "princess" across it.

We think that our neighbor's were out-of-town, but their teenage son was still home. Hmmm...a little freaky-deaky going on? His dad is a minister. You think I should ask him about it?

So this is Christmas

This post is being written on pure emotion, so beware.

Why I hate Christmas.

I think i hate Christmas because I am self-sufficent to some degree.

If I want something that I do not have, I can:
a) Buy it
b) Save up for it, then buy it

If I NEED something (Like a stove, a microwave, a vacuum cleaner) then I can't ask for it because that makes an un-fun xmas gift (Please let me go the rest of this post by refering to Dec 25th as xmas, it is so much shorter to write).

Family members hound me: "What do you want? What do you want???" So if I tell them, they get it for me, and on xmas day I get to think "Oh wow, what a surprise... exactly...what...I...asked...for...."

But if you say "Dont get me anything" (Which, honestly, I would prefer) you ruin everyones xmas because they WANT to get you something.

BUT if you say "Get me whatever you think I will like" you make a huge mistake and end up getting a sweater that you pretend is nice and you never wear.

I swear, my brother is so easy to shop for for xmas. You ask him, and he tells you: "Cash".

If he doesn't ask for cash, he is very specific and thats what I get him, and no one is shocked on xmas day. One xmas he got me the star wars trilogy. Lo and behold it is what I asked for. Well, he asked for it too, so I got it for him. HOW STUPID! Thats like trading 20 dollar bills with someone.

Here are my favorite all time items that I own:
A polo shirt my sister in law got me. It is 4 years old and to this very day people tell me what a nice shirt it is. I did not ask for it, she did not ask me, and she picked it out on her own.

A belt I found at school on the ground

A hat I found at school, on the ground.

Donny Nesselroads torn up shirt he put in the trash can in the laundry room at Faulkner. I loved that shirt, now it is gone.

A free boat Josh and I share, it is almost 40 years old.

My plain ole black truck, that I bought after getting rid of a fast, red corvette.

So I am easy to please. My most enjoyable gifts are those people bought me without asking me. But, for some reason, I am afraid to ask my family to just buy something and surprise me with it. THERE ARE THE BEST GIFTS! But all xmas is now is:
"what do you want"
"I dunno, what do you want"
"just pickout something"
"youll hate it"
"no I wont!"
"ok, i need to buy a gift for 565 dirty santa parties this week though"

AUGH!!!!!!!!!!! GO AWAY SANTA!

oh, and decorations.... why is it that for 30 days, the tackiest, most awful looking decor is acceptable? I ask my wife "If it is so beautiful, why dont we leave it up year round?"

I am a mean one, Mr Grinch

How to smoke a pipe

1. Pack the pipe weed into the pipe

2.Light up and suck the flame into the pipe... while listening to your friend talk...

3. Make a concerned face after you puff a few... wait on your friend to catch up with you..

After-Thanksgiving fun

Fish heads fish heads... and tails... and guts... and bones...

The Saturday after Thanksgiving, Mark D invited me, my father-in-law (Brad) and Sip to fish at his wife's grandfathers pond deep in Elmore county.

I had fished there many times, so was ready to reel in the big ones. Due to their size the last time, Mark suggested we all bring coolers and keep some, to control the population as it seems the big ones are keeping all the smaller ones small, and making themselves only bigger.

Well, it was slow, naturally. Fishing is never really great in cold weather, but if you can hook one, you are doing good. I was disappointed honestly. I have fished that pond for over a year and never went 10 minutes without catching something. When it comes to fishing, I am not one of those people who say "I don't care if I don't catch anything, just being out on a boat is relaxing." Screw that crap, I want to catch fish!

Well, Josh and Mark were on one boat (with a trolling motor) and me and Brad were in another boat (with one paddle). I explained this to Brad before we left and he kept saying "You don't need a trolling motor for a pond." He changed his tune quickly when he learned that I was there to fish and not paddle. (He ended up giving me money for xmas, and said 'buy a trolling motor with this.") Oh, see the picture of Sip peeing next to the big tree. I couldn't resist taking that pic...

Anyway, Mark, using his secret weapon, (which isnt so secret because he uses it every time he fishes) started to reel them in. By the time he had 3 good sized bass, Josh had one too. I had none and Brad had none. Of course we both had about 4 that got away. When they jump out of the water, they would sling the hook out of their mouth. I guess we weren't setting the hook hard enough.

Anyway, the smack-talk started across the water. I would yell something to Mark and he would say "Sorry, I can't hear you due to all the fish flopping around in my cooler!" Or he would see us paddling and he would pat his trolling motor and say "$149 at Wal-mart baby!"

Well, I eventually reeled one in, nothing spectacular, maybe 2 pounds, but I was happy. Brad had no catches, so eventually we headed to the bank. As us 3 younger guys were putting all the bass in one cooler, and getting the boats ready to leave, Brad is fishing off the bank, and sure enough, hooks the 2nd biggest of the day (Mark pulled in the biggest) so he left happy.

But the best part was when we got home.

I had never fileted or cut up a fish. Brad had. We made a make-shift table in my driveway, pulled the fish out of the icey cooler and got to work. Brad taught me how to cut up the fish, so he fileted 3 and I fileted 3. I wasn't as gross as I thought it would be, since we didn't really "gut" the fish. The outside of a fish stinks, but the meat doesn't smell at all (Unless of course it is old.) The blood was minimal, or wasn't bothersome. And we got loads of meat off of them. 3 nights ago, I made a fish corn chowder that we like to make, only this time, I put bass meat in it. It was wonderful!

The feeling of having gone fishing, caught a fish, cut it up, then made a meal and ate the meal with the fish in it is wonderful.

Blur on you crazy line

10 points to Gryffindor house for the person who tells me what song the subject refers to...

When we were kids, there were certain jobs and activities that were set aside only for professionals; Disc Jockey, Movie Maker, Recording Musician, Business Owner, etc... Could we ever become one of these? Sure, with alot of money, alot of work, and alot of education.

But look now. The line between amateur and professional has been blurred so much thanks to technology. Photography equipment is now so advanced; the average 17 year old has equipment in his pocket that blows the pants of a pro from the 80s. We can take photos, edit them, and print them in our own home.

Video equipment is now advanced and cheap enough that anyone can pretty much make a decent movie with equipment bought at Best Buy. Even more, this person can edit the movie and add special effects on a computer that costs under $1,000.

We can now be a DJ thanks to iTunes and our iPod, we can record music with software most producers would only dream of in the 80s. More and more people work out of the home thanks to paypal, ebay, and google ads.

Examples go on for miles, so what is a true professionalism and what makes an amateur not a pro? It is no longer lack of technology, access, or money. Anyway, thought this was a neat observation... I mean heck, 10 years ago, who would have thought that we would all have a website like this? Everyone from Microsoft to the kid down the street has a website...

Hot Topic

Here is the Hot Topic essay that you guys helped me come up with. Feel free to add comments at the bottom, for they help boost my visibility on the site.

Language warning. The guys I wrote it with have foul tongues which like to curse, so if ye be offended by such things, BEWARE.

Hope everyone had a Happy Thanksgiving.

Who let the dogs out, indeed...

As I sit here in my bedroom, in a house I pay a monthly mortgage for, I can hear, over the loud TV, dog barking.

I have a next-door neighbor, whom I love, who owns a German Shepard. This is a good dog, and barks only if another dog is within their property. The neighbors on my other side have two shiatsus, which bark like mad when they smell me in my back yard, but, lucky for me, they are inside dogs, and only come out to pee or poop.

The lady next to them owns a black cocker and a black lab. She lets them roam the street as they please, crapping in my yard and causing other dogs to bark. When locked up in the back yard, they too, bark like mad, at virtually everything.

But the line has been drawn recently.

The people who USED to live behind us have moved. In their place, a nice family of a man, a woman, and 2 girls has moved in. With them, come 2 dogs.

These dogs bark all the time.

At any, and everything. They hear a truck in the neighborhood, they bark, I go to my trash can, they bark, a dog in the neighborhood barks, they return with a bark. Their barking then causes other dogs to bark, in which case, the dogs behind me continue their barking.

I thought I left this crap when I moved out of an apartment complex, but I bought a pair of earplugs today. This is my house people. I should not have to buy earplugs to sleep peacefully. But last night, I assume someone in the neighborhood was moving, so a moving truck was coming in and out. This caused the dogs to bark. I was up till 11:30pm hearing the barking. I gave up trying to fall asleep and went into the living room to lie down and watch a Harry Potter movie. I fell asleep eventually and came to bed. I walk into my dark bedroom, stop, listen.. I hear barking, still. I glance at the clock... 12:30am.

I go into my bathroom and take a muscle relaxer. My muscles feel fine, but I don’t care, I will drug myself to sleep. I go back into the living room, flick around the TV for a while, then give up, and decide to go to bed and read until I fall asleep.

Sure enough, my wife tells me I fell asleep with a book in front of me with the lamp on; she turned it off at 4:30 this morning.

Friends... tell me, why do people own dogs and keep them outside?
Cattle, I understand, poultry and hogs, I understand. Goats, sure, keep them outside. But if you are going to buy your family a pet, and all you do is keep it in the back yard, you don’t have a pet, you have an animal that you keep locked up in the back yard... why? I can’t understand this???

Worse yet, if I had a dog and it barked past midnight, no one would say a word. Yet, if I go outside right now (9:30pm) and start saying the alphabet as loud as other dogs bark, I'd have the cops called on me.

SURELY the owners of these dogs hear them barking! SURELY it bothers them, or at least they consider that it MIGHT bother neighbors.

I am looking at my wife right now, she is sound asleep! Do I have supersonic hearing? Why do these dogs bother me so? Cats, suddenly, appear to be a wonderful animal to me!

So, by buying earplugs, have I caved in some way? Should a man be able to sleep peacefully in his own home without buying earplugs? I wore earplugs in the apartments we lived in, but I am in a HOME now!

What do I do? Introduce myself to the new neighbors and say "Hi, I am your neighbor behind you, your dog keeps me up past midnight every night, do something!"

FYI, I just muted my TV, the howling and barking was without pause and it sounds like I live in a zoo full of canine.

Is this against the law in anyway? Sound ordnance? I love(d) dogs, but now, when I lie in bed listening to them bark, I think of so many wonderful ways to do so many unwonderful things to the dogs....

What to do….

Is this love?

A little WhiteSnake for your singing-in-your-head pleasure (Sorry for you younger ones who don't remember WhiteSnake... you are probably better off actually.)

I just realized what love is.

I had an ingrown hair on my neck. It was in a spot what I simply could not see well enough while looking in a mirror to extract it.

My wife, voluntarily, offers to take a needle and tweezers and get the sucker out for me.

This, my friends, is love. It has nothing to do with sex, looks, or money. If your wife is willing to perform minor surgery on disgusting aspects of your body, you, my friend, have found a soul mate!

-J

Back to Blogging

I may have found somethin to ease my blogging woes. It's called an RSS reader. I allows me to constantly see what's been added to our blog. And it's free. But...you can't post with it. Maybe it's not perfect, but at least it may keep me informed.

Here's how:

1) Download here.

2) Set up your options in the feed properties

3) Use this URL in the address field: http://midnightcafediscussions.blogspot.com/atom.xml

4) Press subscribe.

You're Fired

I had to fire someone today. This was not the first time I’ve had to do such a thing, so it was not a completely new experience. Yet it is still quite unsettling.

The woman I had to fire was perfectly nice. She never said a negative thing. She came to work on time, was never tardy from break or lunches. She sat in her chair and did her job to the best of her ability. In many ways she was a model employee.

Except, she was a rather terrible collector. I’m a collections supervisor for a credit card company. My employees are paid to collect on past due accounts. The gig is all about numbers: number of calls made, numbers of cardholders contacted, payments converted, and of course, dollars collected. To survive you have to play the numbers.

This is something that this woman could just not do. You could say she was just too nice. And it’s true; to be a collector you have to have something of a dark side within you. But it is more than just being mean, there are plenty of very nice collectors who do excellent work. It’s part salesmanship, part thick-leathery skin, and mostly being able to push a little, prod a lot that gets the job done.

Besides not just having the collector instinct, this lady didn’t seem to grasp some of the fundamental concepts behind the job. Simple things that most people understand quickly and mold it into their work personality, she just couldn’t seem to get.

All of this is to say that the termination could be seen from a far distance. In fact, I had a long conversation with her a couple of weeks ago, warning her that unless things really improved, I’d have to let her go. Things did get better, she did improve, but not nearly enough to warrant keeping her on the payroll.

So, this afternoon, I pulled her aside, and let her go.

Did I mention that this lady had mentioned to my boss a couple of weeks back that I “made her uncomfortable?” Earlier, on that day, I had reached across her person and logged her out of the system, using her mouse. This is something I do often, and is only a gesture meant to expedite the process of them getting off the phone so that I may talk to them. Apparently this gesture offended her in some way, enough to make her say something to my boss.

Now, she never used the word “harassment” but this is the first thing that rang in my head when my boss told me. Holy crap! Visions of lawsuits and besmirching of my permanent record began ringing in my head.

Now here I was approaching her so that I could terminate her permanently.

I called Human Resources to tell them I was none to comfortable having that conversation. They insured me it would be ok and told me to have another supervisor with me.

It went as well as those things go. I explained it wasn’t personal, wished her well and sent her on her way. She gave me the whole “I really need this job” speech, but I had to stand firm.

I hate this. She really was a nice lady, possible harassment charges and all. And here I am throwing her out, not long before Christmas and all that.

Terminating employees is part of my job, I accept this. But it still sinks my heart.

Post termination, I hid out in the back of the office, allowing her time to gather her things and leave the office. I didn’t want any awkward moments where she was passing my desk in order to tell her workmates goodbye.

As she left, and I reentered the floor, a coworker, decides to tell me she is sitting in her car, crying.

Yeah, like I needed that.

So, here I am feeling like a heel, and there she is without a job.

This sucks.

one wild ride

So I've been away from blogging for a while to clear my head. In the mean time I've been thinking about a motorcycle show. I hooked up with a real bike jock here at work and he's connected me to a couple of amazing links, one of which I wanted to share.
http://www.advrider.com/forums/showthread.php?t=41699
There is no need to have a passing interest in riding to absolutely love this site. The root site is a collection of adventure riding logs; this guy the striking viking is amazing. Since I got the link at 10am I've not moved from it until now at 5pm, it's been a slow day.
Breakdown man sells his farm in California, invests cash into a BMW bike, the only bike I'd ever want to own. Makes bike world worthy and ships it to Japan. I'm on page 87 and this guy has traveled on two wheels from Japan to Siberia to Germany, through the Middle East (Gaza, Palestine, West Bank, everywhere) through Nepal and now about to reach Thailand and he's far from done.
This site is full of pictures and one of a kind commentary that's just astounding.

Semen Washer

This is just funny. The last line is the best, but don't just skip to it.

Semen Washer # 7 on Popolar Sciences' "10 Worst Jobs of 2005"

WD Forum

I may have brought this up before, but I am a member of the Writer's Digest Forums.

The forums are a place on the web where aspiring and professional writers can mix, mingle, and meet. I have been posting on there for a couple of months now and have learned more about writing, getting an agent, and getting published than I have in the last two years!

I post this not merely for information, but with the hopes that any of you guys who might be interested in writing (hint, hint guys) might go there and join the conversation. I have had my name in the newsletter, met several published authors, received a free magazine from WD, and recently even received a free novel!

The novel is a brand new book by debut author Brian Strause titled Maybe A Miracle. It was sent to me and ten other people out of the over 600 users on the forums. We are the core review/discusion group for the novel and are there to ramp-up the Book Buzz forum! This sort of thing is right up Brew's alley!

Anyway, I just wanted y'all to have a chance to come on in and join-up if you want. It's lots of fun and you'll meet many, talented, nice people.

Mr. Trips

Y'all remember my idea for a site that had to do with backyard adventures? Well, here is a site that deals with something like it. Funny thing is that one of the guys who's involved with it is the agent who's looking at my book right now! Anyway, I thought it was interesting.

Okay all you child psychologists...

I was teaching inner city last night.

Typically, the classes are anywhere from 6 to 9 students. Ages from 8 to 10 years old.

It is standard that one child acts up every class. Acts up enough to distract the other kids. This child is sent out of the class, no questions asked and the classes go on smoothly and fun from there.

Last night was no different. The rule is that no child is allowed to use the bathroom during class, and no child it allowed to get water during class. We have to do this. Otherwise, they will all ask to go, whether then have to or not. Class is only 40 minutes long, and any child that doesn't have a bladder issue can handle this. (Well, one kid has wet their pants once, but that’s a minority).

So, this one girl is clearly not pleased to be in class. So she tries the old "I have to use the bathroom" routine. It is ignored by me and the other guy teaching, because we know the drill. She persists; I explain to her that I can't let her go, why didn't you go before you left, etc... Seeing that this isn’t working, she then complains of stomach pains. Then says she is about to throw up. I almost fall for this one, until she does a very unconvincing gag. She begs again to leave to throw up, to which my other teacher (Mark D) responds "Just make sure you keep it on your paper and it don't go on the floor."

She goes on and on about this until I am finally fed up. I go to the door, open it up and say, "Get out." To which she replies by sitting still and smiling. After several attempts to ask her to get out, I finally walk over to her. I am not afraid to manhandle these kids and they know it. She then runs under the table, to where she is caught by my other teacher and 'escorted' out.

Now, forget this is inner city. Trust me, white kids that age are much worse. 95% of these kids love being there, and leave having learned a real Bible story, and in some cases, a memory verse even though half of them read at much lower levels than they should.

So, what is the deal? This girl does everything in the book to get out of class, then, when given the opportunity, she refuses.

I'm So Proud...

of my wife! Hopefully she won't kill me for posting this. I just think she's doing a great job!Check out these websites she's been building! They aren't complete, yet. But, she has really done a lot to them thus far and they look very nice and professional in my opinion.

This one is a site about kids and money management.

This one is a site for a lady who embroiders stuff on purses, clothes, etc.

Enjoy! They should be completely functional before too long!